Chinese mothers are superior??

Amy Chua wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal “Chinese Mothers are Superior,” which raised a lot of eyebrows. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

In the article, Ms. Chua argues that “Chinese Mothers” are “superior,” because they demand absolute perfection and won’t refrain from scolding, threatening and even starving their kids until they’re pleased. She addresses that her kids were never allowed to attend a sleepover, be in a school play, have a play date, receive a grade other than an A or play any other instrument besides the piano or violin. Defining success scarcely focusing on achievement and perfection at all costs. Success is getting straight A’s and being a violin or piano prodigy.

While reading her article, I became a little disturbed in some of the things she was saying. She tells a story of her daughter unable to play a song on the piano and “threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.” Since when is this okay?

I do, however, agree with Ms. Chua when she expresses some parents are too easy on their kids. It is important to discipline your kids and to let them know education and succeeding is very important. Not letting them dictate the way they will live their life at such a young age, but helping them find themselves as they are growing into a man or woman. In the generations behind us, children are being taught from the television instead of books. Children are not learning the real value of education, but that is not because we are American and not Chinese.

But who’s to say being a professional dancer is not as successful to a person as being a doctor? It is important to do what makes YOU happy and everyone’s definition of happy is different. Chua argues that happiness comes from mastery, and mastery is achieved through “tenacious practice, practice, practice.” Forced mastery will not lead to happiness. Loneliness and isolation leads to depression and chronic illnesses.

I’ve only had a few Asian friends in my life, and growing up I have seen the Asians in my class always being at the top academically. But they lacked social skills. Intelligence alone is not enough to advance in life. Your daughter gets all A’s from elementary school through high school, she get accepted in all the Ivy League colleges and becomes great in a math and/or science field, but what happens after that? Is she happy? When it’s time to go on a date, how will she communicate?

In my time growing up, most kids who grew up in such a strict household are scorned. They have no friends and always eat by themselves during lunchtime. They lack common sense, leadership and communication skills and are unable to express themselves emotionally.

Reading this article bought me back to when I was watching the Biggest Loser last season and the Asian woman on the show lacked self-esteem. Her parents always pressured her to do well. When she started gaining weight, they would call her fat and say she was no good. While on the show, her parents never called her or said “good job” because they saw her being on the show as a failure. Needless to say, she had a lot of emotional problems. Telling a child or anyone for that matter that they are worthless is not a sign of showing love.

If everyone raised their kids as Ms. Chua raised hers, the world would be full of robots with no creativity. We would have no art museums and would only listen to classical music. What would we watch on TV? Everyone is different and we should not all raise our children to only be good at the piano or violin. We should not raise our children socially challenged. In order to relate with the “real world” children need to interact with other children by starring in a school play, by having a play date and by playing other sports. Ms. Chua says, “Nothing is fun until you’re good at it” but what if you’re not? Once you’re great at something, is it fun anymore? Where is the challenge?

Ms. Chua has offended a lot of people with this article, but she does raise a good point on how Americans raise their children.

What are your thoughts?